That April Trade
Before the Trade
It was what every serious trader will go through. I remember i had some trades beforehand, that showed some discipline and perfect execution but i had no idea that one trade meant nothing in long-term profitability. I was swing trading at the time of this April trade i will talk about, and the thing with swing is that the opportunities don’t come as often. That bleeds into the amount of reps one can perform. It’s not enough to learn the psychology and how the market moves in whichever market you're trading. And I’ve found that for me, these swings were the only opportunity to make some money or in my case—help me feel good about myself. They didn't come often, at most once month and i was patient… scary patient to watch a trade prove me right. I was still high schooled age, every swing i took was a way to make my insecure, validation seeking ego feel good. I had nothing to worry about but just school and my trading. In a way it is a blessing. Many blessings can still act as a curse. I was full on committed to trading, since the moment I’ve started to read and study it, i knew this was going to be my passion and what funds my passions after that. So it meant different to me, this wasn't just some side hustle like reselling sneakers to buy some clothes or take a girl out. I knew from the start that trading will be my launchpad to everything else I have a passion in. I thought of all this at a very young age and I kept a good amount to myself at first.
It’s so true when they say that trading can feel super easy at times. That feeling is definitely stronger as a beginner. It takes no physical effort, it doesn't even involve much typing. It’s just clicking. After a win or loss, I always thought to myself that there isn’t anything easier. These losses didn't affect my day much either, I always told myself “I’ll come back better.” And i almost never did. Something like trading is so easy to say but never do.
It Wasn’t Enough
I remember it so well. I had just came off a February trade that was very similar to this one. One thing about February though was that it didn't hit me as much as April. I waited 5 weeks for that trade to prove me right. Right after i told myself “I’m never letting that happen again.” I’ve realized you can’t just tell yourself you’ll do different because at that point your relying on your willpower. Your willpower is only so strong.
Then it came. It was the second Wednesday of the month, bullish CPI came out. Huge engulfing coming out of resistance on the 4h for AUDUSD. At that time, that was all the confluences i needed. There was no story to the charts, I just focused on what I wanted to see. I was mostly in the dark for why markets moved the way they moved, after April i realized that. The trade lasted like 2.5 weeks. The trade went into my favor really quickly, I scaled in so I was betting more on my winners, as you should but I was doing it from greed not confidence. I remember i was up $110 in my live account after only risking like $20 on my small account. At that point I was thinking of all the validation I’d get for flipping my account 5x. From one trade! I was thinking that I’d finally be worthy enough of going for a 100k prop firm challenge and making 1k-3k trades. Then the women would start flying towards me. It really got to me, crazy how you don’t see it in the moment but after, all these harsh thoughts come rushing in.
I looked at my P&L and chose not to close. Instead I set my TP even further. Not even after a huge rejection on a support, an important level too. Not even after it started to crawl back up to my entry. Not even half way towards my stop loss. At that point my broker had liquidated my whole account. I think I had no more free margin on my small account. So yeah I guess it’s also a blown account. But that account was already small and it being blown wasn't on my mind as much as the actual loss. Anyway I remember when I was liquidated out of the trade, I was home and around asian session. I had shown a good amount of people my trade, boasting about it. That i have full confidence in it so much so that i scaled in, which many traders have a problem doing. That as soon as i entered it went into my favor. That i was just a teen and already had an eye for sniper trades.
When i checked on the already failing trade, I was liquidated. I was so upset and angry. Angry that I wouldn't close at the clearest TP the market could've given me—angry for patiently waiting for my own failure. Upset that I was farther than I realized towards profitability. I dropped my phone and put my whole face on my bed—Not a pillow though, I don’t use pillows to sleep. Straight up mattress. I felt a couple tears skiing down my cheeks—I really cared about this and still do—but not too loud because my brother was not too far away and the last thing I wanted was getting mocked for crying. Even more that I didn’t want say that a trade made me cry. I was so disappointed.
After this trade, I just didn’t have it in me to look at the markets as much. Swing wasn't giving many opportunities already and now that I was beaten, big no no. It wasn't until later that year where the 24’ elections began and the dollar was surging that i was looking for serious swing trades. But even then—I closed too early in fear that it would reverse again.
Looking Back
I’d have it no other way. Every trader needs to get humbled one way or another and this was my humbling story. I remember always thinking that the “humbling experience” was never going to reach me and for a while it didn't. I was taking losses but i didn't let it get to me. I moved on quickly but when it did come, I guess I finally realized that my trading style wasn’t working. I couldn’t deny it any longer after April. I knew it was going to be a while before I reached profitability and even longer to live alone in Manhattan.
Now I realized that if i didn't let the pain in after April then it would've happened again, I would've made the same mistakes over and over until I let the pain in and realize—this isn't the trading that leads to consistent profitability. I’m glad to say that after this trade, my mind towards the markets became less greedy and more grounded. My losses have no control over me, if i put on a trade its because i accepted the risk and believe in the idea. I’ve become more aware of the reasons behind every trade i take, behind the technical aspect—theres always a mental reason why. Is it to make money back? To prove yourself right? For a girl to see you differently? To prove yourself that you can do it? Being self-aware is a must, a terrible loss will open up your eyes. It’s why it needs to happen.